So this past Saturday was the first weigh in for the new plan towards health. I lost 2 pounds. When I saw the results I was a little frustrated. Shouldn’t it have been more? Doesn’t the first week give amazing results.
After these initial thoughts, I realized that my assumptions were merely creations of self imposition. I demanded the results to be amazing. But…they were what they were.
I am glad for the 2 pounds that left. I am continuing on this path. I will not seek a way out or a justification for quitting. If every week has only 2 pounds of weight loss, then I will be happy with those results.
It has been a crazy few weeks. Lost my job, took on two new part time/contract jobs, and decided to move to New York City. Some times I think my life may be a little bit of a wild ride, but a ride well worth it.
Much to my surprise, I don’t have a lot to say at the moment. I do, however, have one thing I want to share with you all during this leg of my journey – life is an amazing ride if you don’t let anything get in the way of your dreams.
Since I made the decision to move, and re-made the decision about a dozen times through temptation to stay, I have found my spirit being lifted and my life getting better. 2012 was a rough year for me, but I feel all of the pain going away. I am finally moving on.
I do find it entertaining that the moment I decide to move so many amazing things tempt me to stay. I finally have some great jobs and co-workers, and would consider staying just to keep learning, growing, and meeting new people. I have met some amazing people that I would love to get to know better. I have found my stride in a city that I felt had broken mine years ago.
BUT, I remind myself that my future is calling.
Today, I remind you to listen to the voices calling you forward in your life. Take a chance (but be calculating and confident). We only have one life, live it!
So I have implemented my plan. Eating well, working out and smoking less. Now the hardest part has begun….waiting for results.
Those who know me, know that I am not the most patient person in the world. I tend to want things right away and will push anyone or anything out of the way to see it fulfilled. This is not a great trait of mine, but it’s who I am. So now I have to continue my plan and…wait.
After spending a day pondering my impatience I have come to realize that of all the things and achievements I have been impatiently waiting for, the one about health and wellness is the hardest. My thought is that the body can react in the same way other situations do. This is not true. After years of being on the wrong side of health, it will take time to reverse those impetuous actions.
So…I wait. And hope that Augustine was right when he said that “Patience is the companion of wisdom”.
Well, one would think that after a 16.5 hour day that I would be tired, or at least be ready to try to go to sleep. Honestly, the past few weeks, since I made the decision to finally move to NYC, I have not really been able to sleep. So much on my mind. So many exciting things to figure out.
To top it off, I have been working three jobs, all ranging from 8 hours a week to 30, to get me to the financial place I need in order to make the move successfully. Working every day, saving every penny, I still find myself coming up short from time to time…which gets me down.
Today was one of those days. My automatic deposit didn’t go through, and I am sure will result in several overdraft charges. To my surprise, however, the disappointment of once again being behind didn’t phase me today…thanks to my new mindset and a great after midnight epiphany at Build A Bear.
Working two exceptional young ladies, busting our booties trying to make the store not look like a disaster after a banner day and a large delivery, they kept laughing at my random comments and stories of my past. Unknown what the impact would be, the both mentioned that I may be one of the “truest men” they have ever met. I laughed, thinking it was a joke playing off my sometimes less gay moments (shut it, I have them).
In all reality, there comment was truth. After noticing I didn’t know how to respond, they explained that they are amazed at how well rounded I seem and how hard working I am for my goal. Suddenly I was reminded of the man i used to be, or the man that I am but have been hiding for the past few years.
Leaving Cathedral and “marrying” Michael had killed a huge piece of who I was. Before the “dark times” I was a man who worked two, three, or even four jobs. I was a man who served on numerous boards and gave 110% every moment in every conversation. Defeated by life, I stopped that when i moved to Houston, to no one’s fault but my own.
About the time I left Michael I finally realized all I had given up and then I found Bear Daddy. I was amazing happy to discover a new, slower side of myself, a side that took every moment I could to be with such an amazing spirit and force in my life. A side few of my friends have seen (just ask those who’s weddings or babies I have missed over the years).
The sad part was that when my relationship with Bear Daddy ended I convinced myself that I was this lazy guy who didn’t deserve to be happy. I forgot about all of my victories, all of my hard work, all that I have sacrificed in my life to help others.
Tonight, delirious from stuffing bears, these two young ladies struck a truth I needed to hear: I AM something to be proud of.
Say this word in your mind: Resolve
Now say this word in your mind as well: Solve
Did they sound different? Did Resolve have a z sound and Solve have an s sound?
Obviously these words are different, but at this point in the game…they are the same.
The new year always brings a list of resolutions for people to either keep or break. Typically in my life I have broken most of them. Weight, health, wholehearted living and quitting smoking are the key culprits. Why will this year be any different? Maybe the answer is in the way I read the word “resolve”.
To resolve (z sound) is to make a definite decision about something and create the plan to fulfill it in its entirety.
To resolve (s sound) is to recognize a persistent problem of which a solution has been attempted and come up with yet another plan.
Simple…in the past I have been seeing the problem as the same situation and attempting to solve it with more gusto or better restraint. Realistically, I should have the resolution to go with the changes and make them successful, all the while recognizing that these problems are not a matter of resolving but…true resolve.
Confused? I was too. Then it hit me right upside the head. I shouldn’t spend the next year resolving old problems. I should spend it resolving (z sound) to create change. What has held me back is the looking back. Why did I eat that? Why do I react that way? Now, it is time to look forward. The plan has been made (see my earlier post) and now it is time for resolve. No more envious embattlements with the past, no more played perceptions with who I think people want me to be. I am not bound to what was, because of my resolve. ”Resolve and thou art free.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Well, 2012 is finally over. In the grand scheme of things in my life, I guess 2012 wasn’t the worst. I got a divorce, fell in love, had my heart broken and lost my job…but through it all, or in spite of it all, I found the courage and strength to take on this great adventure of changing my life and taking chances.
Today I mark the 60 day countdown to the next HUGE adventure in my life…moving to a city I have always dreamed of living…New York City! Ever since I was a child I said I would live in NYC. Over the years I have been offered jobs, but for one reason or another I have let them pass me by. For the sake of my education, or a relationship, I decided not to go, not to follow my dream. That changes NOW!
Yeah, I may be crazy. Things are much more expensive, but the opportunities are much greater. I don’t think I have ever been more excited!
Stay tuned for exciting updates!
I have done the research on my health and wholehearted living. The reading and the notes are complete. Now I need to move from the point of nothing to something. I have a clear goal list and know how to do it.
Here is a sample of my goals:
Lose 40 pounds in 6 months.
Eat at the table with Jojo every night. Not in front of the tv.
Workout 6 days a week.
Live wholeheartedly by giving 100% of myself 100% of the time.
There are other goals as well, but these are the biggest in regards to the changes I want to make.
All I have to do now is…do something.